I didn't quit this blog already... and somehow it's all very poop related

Okay its been X amount of days since I last blogged, but I didn't give up I swear it's just hard to use the blog fodder that is my family during the week when I work and when the boy child is away and mum isn't being ridiculous (mostly daily but since I started this shes been restraining herself)

Things of note:

• I am way more excited about my friend not procrastinating and doing as she is told and finally doing the degree I keep telling her she should do than she is
• It's the day before fat club and because I have this weird obsession when I enter the bathroom where I must stand on the scales before peeing (number 1's) or pooping (Number 2's) and then re-weighing to see how much pee/poop weights I already know there will be no sticker this week :(
• I admit to getting a bit excited when I stood on the scales and they said LO and turned themselves off because I took that to mean I'm so skinny they can't register my weight. Hubby soon put me straight and ruined my mood by telling me that actually that means the batteries are dying and I am not in fact too skinny
• We have scales that I let said hubby choose, in case you don't know my hubby for clarity if an object comes in a larger than average size, has blue tooth, plug and play or any other feature that you probably don't need then he will buy it. (Ask me about the disco shower debacle for clarity) These scales they come with a mind of their own and they are insulting. You lose weight they give you a nice positive affirmative GO green colour that makes you feel good, you put on and they go red and shout at you about what a horrible terrible person you are and ask for "one person at a time please". Since they have gone into "not skinny LO" mode they now just pick a random weight in order to demoralise you at every given opportunity
• On the subject of fat club and I won't for once go into major detail (but I do know at this point fellow fat club members will know what I'm saying here) I was perhaps foolishly under the impression that the more fibre you take in the more likely you are to poop.... WRONG... the reason I weigh so much thanks to the opinion of the cyber scales (and there is no delicate way of putting this) is because I am full of shit... I will let you ponder on that one
• At this point of my blog I realise I have discussed poop way too much.. but I also am of the opinion that everything should have a theme so in further over sharing poop related news, which will not be anywhere as funny as if you had of been there I need to talk about pooping at work. 
• In my experience there are two schools of thought on the pooping at work. Either you think its great to use work hours to get paid to poop at work and do so freely or you are mortified at the idea of having an actual normal human bodily function and will go to every length to avoid doing so while in the office environment. I belong to the latter
• As you may have gathered from above points I have had due to eating too many fibre bars at once had issues in the bowel department this week (again full of shit) but when my body in the middle of a training session said "I don't care that this is the wrong time but we gotta visit the toilet like right now" I knew with my 38 years of experience to listen. Now in the same training session I learned of what I am calling the secret toilet... (Secret toilet being the place in which shy poopers go to poop). And yes I hunted it down and I did a little silent oh my this is the harry potter equivalent of the room of requirement secret I can relax toilet shout of joy. However this is my life and I cannot possibly do anything the normal way. I find secret toilet and walk through the door (I have already been pre-warned that beyond the door I will find darkness) and yup there is the door and there is the darkness... what I was expecting was a toilet, what I got was a choice of 4 doors and yes I did every door before I found the toilet door. I find the toilet while doing the toilet dance (do not pretend you do not know what I mean) but can I find the light switch... no no I cannot. So I do this weird touching the walls there must be a toilet in here move... I found it by skipping the edge of the toilet and just putting my hand straight into the water part, I decide my need to go is far too urgent for such a stupid thing as lighting and I sit down... ( I realise I have hyped this up way too much and no dear reader I did not poop on someones desk or in an embarrassing manner or whatever it is your mind has come up with). However what I do discover while being human is that this secret toilet has very thin walls and it also joins to a pretty busy office that has lights.... lights that seep into a very dark room in which I am being very human in. Long story short I may as well of had a neon sign above my head that said "HEY OVER HERE ME I AM POOPING VERY VERY LOUDLY AND IN THE DARK" and I just know that from now on in, anyone in that office will look at me and I will forever be known as that weird not a social worker social worker woman who poops in the dark - I cannot even begin to cover how I felt about this and that is why I will cancel a meeting and drive home just to poop. 
• I'm not officially allowed to talk about mum's teeth, but we shall just agree that the dentist laughed as much about her fixing ideas as I did... the only difference being she charged mum for the privilege
• Now I already covered and delivered poop so in unrelated news and I find this far more embarrassing I have to confess to being a total failure in the persona that I put out to the world and as a mummy... but my youngest child came home from nursery and the first thing I noticed was that she was wearing a spectacularly ugly pair of frilly leggings that not even I would have purchased. I paused and thought hmm maybe she had an accident and I forgot to pack backups in her bag, I check and there are no accident bags and all of the back up clothes I packed are still present. (not a total failure after all). In my proactive I'm a cool mummy but I love to moan I phone nursery this morning to say "no big deal but my daughter came home in the most tasteless clothes please can I have hers back but I'm chill if I can't" - Nursery apologises profusely, I end the call. 10 minutes later they are on the phone, they apologise again.. and this is where I hang my head in shame, they ask me what shoes my child was wearing when she came home. I didn't actually notice because yuk frilly lace leggings distracted me, but oh no... she came home wearing the same shoes she went to nursery in only 2 sizes too small and considerably less new than the ones I sent her in... I'm the bloody shoe queen how did I notice horrible leggings but not the fact her shoes were not in fact her shoes.... I shall just hang my crown out in the porch and let someone else take the title..
• No other news to report..., I shall be back when mother does something totally ridiculous.... also still open to 39 things if anyone has any suggestions (not involving poop though)